How to comfort a man

There always comes a time in a man’s life when he experiences loss or hurt. Hurt comes in many forms; he may be physically hurt or he may lose a person who is dear to him, a promotion he was fighting for or the ability to do something he enjoyed. By comforting a man when he feels loss or hurt, you can help heal his wounds and create more closeness between you. Listen to him to open the path of communication. You can look him in the eye while listening, which is more intimate, or both look in the same direction. Allow his pain and do not stifle it or shut it up. The point of grief and sadness is to tell us we lost something that was meaningful to us, something we valued. Telling a man to cheer up prematurely is to tell him he cannot deeply value or attach meaning to things and people. If a man has to cry, let him cry. Crying lets the body discharge stress chemicals that would otherwise build up. The idea is to heal his hurts, not to prevent or deny them.

What you can do is dress the wound and fluff up his pillow. Make him feel more comfortable. You can touch his arms and back gently or if he is your husband or child you can hug him and press him to your chest. What also helps is to make some tea, a drink or some comfort food. Do be careful not to overuse the latter, as it may cause him to rely on sugar, starch and alcohol. It is better to focus on listening and giving attention. At the same time, do not be too, too strict, find a balance. You can also let him spend time alone, while you spend some time by yourself, attending to your own needs so you have the strength to be there for him. If it is an emotional loss, take him for a walk in the fresh air. Walking is a meditative experience, and many people can more easily deal with their thoughts and feelings when walking.

Once the blood or pain has flowed out, it is time to return to strength, and you can enable this. The best way to do so is by not only building his strength when it is broken, but by always building him up. Let him know that he is strong and make him realise his character strengths in everyday life so that he can reach them easily whenever he needs all his strength. Of course, you can still remind him of the strength of his character . You can also make some healthy food for both of you to replenish his energies. Pain and loss are a normal part of life, how we respond to it is our choice. We can let is wear us down as persons, we can let it weaken our bonds by being callous to the hurt one  or we can let is show us what is meaningful, what we value and lighten our bonds by sharing the loss. Choose wisely.


About Christine

I enjoy life, being a woman, thinking about the future and writing.
This entry was posted in Dignity, Friendships, Inspiration, Listening, Understanding and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to How to comfort a man

  1. Enjoyed your post. Sometimes men want to go into their “cave” to lick their wounds. It takes great delicacy to work with that and be a source of comfort.

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