Friendships are like flowers, all of them have a certain beauty, but not all of them flourish under the same conditions. Some flowers are best in the sun, others in the shade or on the table. Some flowers bloom at night and some take over the whole garden unless you put them in a pot. When you feel like you need new friends, you may just need to learn how to make the most of the friends you already have.
If you have a single friend who hates cooking and is bored at home, your friendship will be more enjoyable if you stop asking her to your potlucks with married ladies and go out with her instead. When you want to go out to dinner, she would be glad not to have to cook. She is your girl when you want to go wine tasting especially if canapes are involved. She may enjoy being in an environment where she can meet men, so she would be happy to be invited when you have a night on the town with a few guys from work.
If you have a friend who is very uneasy with her femininity and more of an introverted, intellectual girl, don’t torture her with loud bars. You can have a glass of wine at a quiet bar with her, but she would feel terribly out-of-place at a bar where women are glamorously dressed and all the men are coming to flirt and find dates. She will be much better company at a lecture, a film or a classical concert.
A friend who has a tendency to air her dirty laundry can be embarrassing at a cocktail party. But maybe she is an excellent cook and a great listener. Cook together and play a board game, so you can have some wonderful bonding conversations. If she is a gossip of some renown, make sure that you don’t tell her anything unless you want it to be known by her whole circle.
Do you still need new friends?
Consider all the activities you really like and ask yourself if any of your friends make good company for them. Don’t worry if you can’t think of anyone. If you do notice you have no one to go dancing with, this is very useful knowledge. Next time you meet another girl at a birthday who enjoys dancing, you may want to make plans with her and see if a friendship blooms out of it. Another problem is having too many friends who enjoy the same activity. Your leisure time is limited, so having too many dinner parties to attend when you’d rather play tennis or see a film will not make you happy. If you already have many friends to stay home with, perhaps it is better not to invite your friend’s sister, who is a big homebody. You can simply enjoy her company at your friend’s house.
I do tend to take a bit of time to get to know someone, before I invite her at my place. Some people are very negative and clingy. Once they know where you live, they drop by at the wrong time and impose themselves on you. Like weeds, they can either be pulled out or, if you have the discipline, placed in pot that restricts their capacity to overrun the garden.