One word I hear far too often is the word “should”. He should want this, she should do that, they should say such and such… How boring! It makes me want to ask why all these people are supposed to play according to your rules and how you will force them to do so. Often there is an underlying frustration, an unseductive powerlessness and a lack of acceptance.
It is when we accept people as they are, with their dark sides, passions and weaknesses, that we are at our most powerful. We can work with people as they are, they are solid and tangible. People as they should be do not exist, therefore they cannot be used. Ironically, when we do not accept a person, and try to mold him into what he should be, he becomes rigid, angry and obstinate, while one who enjoys acceptance becomes soft and pliable. A true seducer not only accepts, but also celebrates the dark sides, passions and weaknesses of others. That does not mean that we must cater to the follies of everyone, for such is the way of the doormat. If the bartender gives free drinks only to girls in pretty dresses, it is not fair indeed.
But it is not useful to show up in jeans and demand a free drink. Even if he should give you one, he simply does not want to. You can accept this fact and still go to the bar in your jeans. Just realise that you are not getting free drinks because you value your freedom to dress as you please over the money saved on drinks. Either choice is an exercise of power, because you are not stuck in frustration, but realised your options and made a choice to act according to your values. Every person has a weakness or a dark side that is not based on logic. To really like or especially love a person means to accept that darker side too, perhaps even enjoy it. I personally adore certain weaknesses, they make people delightfully human. But acceptance is not the same as welcoming. If someone has a dark side that is so repulsive to me that I cannot enjoy the good, I do as I would with a meal too heavily spiced and leave it for those with other tastes. Let it go. There will be other, more suitable meals and people.